What really is therapy?  

‘What really is therapy?’ blog article was written by Denika French, former Therapeutic Specialist at Australian Childhood Foundation. 

As a former Therapeutic Specialist at Australian Childhood Foundation and now a children’s counsellor, I am commonly asked, “What really is therapy?”. 

Truthfully, after six games of UNO and two rounds of around the world on the basketball court, I can begin to hear my inner critic asking me the same thing.   

As a wanderer at heart, in search of answers, I began to explore my internal landscapes in response to this question. In further searches, I leaned into and explored the work of pioneers in the field, whose work both resonates and contributes to the continual development of my personal practice. 

Through the winding road of curiosity, discovery, gathering, and synthesisation, here is what I found.  

In my experience, it has been important, and in my opinion, part of my ethical responsibility, to develop an awareness of my human blueprint: the values, beliefs, and stories that I bring to this work that inform my personal essence, practice, and authenticity. Albeit in a parental context, Lael Stone suggests “the greatest gift we can give our children is to learn our own stories”. I believe this to be true for practitioners alike.  

For me, this is where practice begins.

To work with children and young people in a therapeutic setting is to commit to no less than an ongoing journey of self-discovery and awareness. A concept often shared and discussed by none other than Bonnie Badenoch, a woman at the centre of my inspiration and practice development.  

From here, in response to the question, I felt tempted to lean into or list foundational theoretical underpinnings, frameworks, and modalities.

I could suggest that therapy is a combination of these things – yet that would not satisfy the ever-present question, “What really is therapy? Specifically?”. 

A deeply intentional act of being with, which we now understand thanks to Dan Siegel and interpersonal neurobiology, is supported by neuroscience. The art of noticing? The act of being a loving witness, an external regulator, a holder of hope? 

Sure, therapeutic practice  is all those things to me. But specifically for me, what I have found and know to be true, therapy is: 

Therapy is the art of noticing. Noticing high shoulders, shallow breath, and a tapping foot under the table. Noticing the frequency or lack of genuine smiles and deep belly giggles.  

Therapy is noticing slight shifts in facial expressions or the child’s essence and offering both verbal and nonverbal language that gently says, “I see you in this, but more importantly? I’m with you in this”. 

Noticing the first time that curiosity enters the room, and how each child likes the light, temperature, and noise – but, more so? Honouring it.   

It’s zombies sharing night shifts on the protection fort while the other sleeps and softening when they both get to sleep together, finally finding enough safety to sleep without premeditated protective factors. 

The moments where bouncing like a frog shifts from embarrassment to mutual joy and hysterical laughter, and what colours, stories, and metaphors make their way into each child’s artistic expression. 

It’s pure delight, acceptance, and enjoyment in what is real, in any given moment, for the child and the look on their face when they feel your caring essence. It’s the gentle offering of compassionate, heart-led relational interactions that sound like “let me sit with you for a while, and then we can figure this out together”.   

It’s patience as tears fall, recognising that sadness and pain do not need to be forced out of the room, and a consistent offering of relational antidotes that, over time, challenge messages children and young people have not only consistently received but internalised about their worthiness to receive love. 

With thanks to deep reflective processes on my own practice and experience, supervisors, mentors, field specialists, and most importantly, the children and young people who courageously walk through my doors, what I’ve learned is the therapeutic essence that exists in the intentional use of relationships, an essence that lives in the micro-moments of everything explained above, and more.

A qualitative process that asks for what Bonnie Badenoch explains as non-judgmental presence, or as Maggie Kline suggests, a repetitive offering of compassionate remedies that align with up-to-date findings in neuroscience.  

So, on that note, what really is therapy?  

Perhaps, summarised in my favourite way by an all-time favourite, Robyn Gobel, “Therapy happens in tiny moments of being with, built up over time, at exactly the right pace for your child”.  

References: 

• Robyn Gobel – Infographic – What Therapy Really Is – What Therapy Really Is (robyngobbel.com) 
• Dion, L. Lessons from the Playroom, Episode – Bonnie Baddenoch: What it really means to hold non-judgemental presence as a therapist.  
• Kline, M. (2020). Brain-Changing Strategies to Trauma-Proof Our Schools: A Heart-Centered Movement for Wiring Well-Being. North Atlantic Books.  

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